CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
