Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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