Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
