fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's blow job season.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
