you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
