i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
