I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
