maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
