You're completely useless in the revolution.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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