there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
