She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
