I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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