I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
