yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
