my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
