The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
