I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
