i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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