thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
