Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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