i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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