hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
