My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
