I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
