Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
