Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
