I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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