I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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