Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
