first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I won the penis lottery.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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