I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
