you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There r osticjed everywhere
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
