Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
