I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
