just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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