funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
