come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
