just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
