the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
