just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Small penises have feelings too.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
