I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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