I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
