I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
