i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
