someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
