just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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