I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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