I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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