Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
