At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
