she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
