Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
