I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
