Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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