Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
