Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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