At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
