your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
