idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
