ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
