but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
