your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
