Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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