i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
