ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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