Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
