Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im holly from the hills drunk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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